In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Acid is not a monday night drug
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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