yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
