listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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