I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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