So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
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my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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