nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
