She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
