hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
