Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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