so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
