i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
