your parents love me but you hate me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Be still, my beating vagina.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
