dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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