He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
