Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
