I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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