I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
