is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
