Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
