Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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