Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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