dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
