Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
