hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
