She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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