Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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