I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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