he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
