Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
