shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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