I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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