Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
