Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
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Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
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Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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