my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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