Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize