I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
