we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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