"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
