yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
