I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
