No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
