I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
