made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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