Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
