Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
