You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
