No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
