Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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