Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
