The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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