The maid of honor just puked.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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