If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
