My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
