I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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