i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My breasts were aching with rage.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize