fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
