Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
