i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
