I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize