...so i touched it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
