i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
whose parrot is this?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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