my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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